Thursday, November 23rd, 2000 | 00:48
eat me

I miss the days when sad was happy


I am just a boy working in a record store

Yes I moved to San Francisco just to see what I could be

I am a loser geek, crazy with an evil streak

Yes I do believe there is a violent thing inside of me�

I still see those scary guys

When I am all alone at night

I kiss the ring you gave me

Then I swing with all my might

I think it's getting better for the two of us

I think it's getting easier for you and me to agree

That the white men in the black suits, they are diminishing -Everclear (The White Men in the Black Suits)


I think I'm way too fucking selfish. If I had something better to say, I might say it. Or maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. I censor myself more than I think I should and at all the wrong times.


I really need to cry. It's so soothing and so comforting and I want that really badly right now. It's been way too long. All my self-loathing is slowly converting itself to anger and hatred and I hate myself for what I'm turning into, what I'm thinking. I make myself sick with the things I think.


I feel like shaving my head

"Why don't you come into the spa to get your hair trimmed and shaped a bit. It looks like you cut your own hair," says my mother

"I do cut my own hair, remember?" my irritated reply.

I hate superficial people


I can see it in your eyes

I can see your shaky hands

Yes I think you think I'm stupid

You don't think I understand

I see you and I see myself

When I was a younger man -Everclear (Sunflowers)


The CD of the moment is So Much For the Afterglow.


My mom just walked in. Anyone want to play a game. I have "Guess How Drunk She Is" or as well as "How Much Do you Want To Bet She's Been Driving?" They're all so much fun.

If you couldn't tell, I'm fucking pissed off at her. She is always getting drunk and driving drunk and coming home late from business meetings and it makes me want to fucking scream at her. Instead, I'm rude and condescending.

And now she's asking for me to come with her to pick Sophia up from fuck knows where (it's 00:16) because she was too fucking stupid to take a bus home earlier!

I accepted, as long as I could pick the CD for the drive.

She just left.


I�m listening to Muddy Banks� (Nirvana for all those�). I like the screaming part at the beginning. It's so painful.

This is DEFINITELY what I need right now. Why haven't I listened to this in such a long time (months)


Come on over

And do the twist

Overdo it

And have a fit

I love you so much

It makes me sick

Come on over

And shoot the shit -Nirvana (Aneurysm)


I had a dream about that song once. I dreamt that I was watching a movie on an iMac (I want a grey iBook) that I downloaded of Kurt playing it live and acoustic (yet it sounded like the electric, edgy album version). He sang the whole song word for word, exactly. Not really that strange, unless you consider that I had only heard it once before (and made no outstanding impression on me), and that was months before the dream. The rest of that day I was singing the song and that night I bought the CD.


I'm worse at what I do best

And for this gift I feel blessed�

Fuck it. You all know the words. And if you don't, you should


I want to flail and thrash like Thom Yorke. He is the best dancer I've ever seen.


I love you

I'm not gonna crack - Nirvana (Lithium)


I'm gonna go to bed. I was planning to sleep by 11 (like last night (isn't that insane!)) but was kept awake by unforeseen circumstances (you have a bus pass for a reason!)


I like Spank Thru. It's a nice song. So is Love Buzz. Early Nirvana is so good. Late Nirvana is good too. There isn't any bad Nirvana.


Eat Me Up Like A Cookie

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