Tuesday, December 25th, 2001 | 11:58
you would cry too if it happened to you.

Surprise. No surprise!

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Last year, my mother bought me a bottle of cologne. I thanked her politely, even though it smelled horrible. As recently as a month ago, she asked me whether I wore it. I hadn't touched it and that's what I told her. Can you predict the ending? If you thought I got anything I wanted............you have obviously never spent Christmas at my house. However, if you guessed that I got three times the amount of Rancid Odour cologne, you can have it.

On the upside, I did get a miniature one of those steel-balls-on-a-string dealies that are supposed to be in every important businessmans corner office. The best part is that it doesn't work.

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"WOW! That's some pretty nice scenery!" -My aunt from Toronto while watching the new Britney Spears video. The kicker is that she was actually talking about the scenery.

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The amount of holiday spirit on commercial radio is beyond nauseating, but Cheech and Chong can make anything all right.

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Artificial Lifeform

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