Tuesday, December 12th, 2000 | 23:55
What it looks like to blow right apart (in forty-two minutes)

My mind is racing at a billion kilometres an hour and not getting anywhere.


I need to cry

And scream

And pull out my hair

Like a good little manic depressive boy

Maybe it'll make me feel better

Chances are it won't

I don't care

I wanna do something more stupid

To alleviate the insane pressure

That stupid things make me feel


"Sometimes I feel like a whore" Everclear (You Make Me Feel Like a Whore)

Sometimes, even I feel like a whore

Fuck, Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

My hair is falling out already anyway

I don't even need to pull it

A fucking comb does just fine

I think I'm a little stressed

I just whip out the knife

Roll up my sleeve

And say hi to a passing thought in the summertime

The first one was fine

The second one hurt

And scared me to death

It didn't scar

It didn't even bleed

But it hurt

And it made me throw up

I'll be right back

And I did

And I hated myself for it

For everything, I mean

It's not like me to be so stoic

I never was

Never will be

But outside it's snowing

And everything is fine

Because you're not inside

And I'm not right

In my own mind

But that's ok

Because I've got things

That no one else does

I've got my mental health

It has never been as sick as now

But it's all I've got

I've got to go

Go away

Don't come back

Come back to your home

House of pain

And whips and chains

Isn't that kinky?

No, it's normal

And you're all fucked up

Because it couldn't be me

I'm right as rain

Rain on me

And my fucking parade

I'm damn proud

Of something I know nothing about

"Breathing fire doesn't look good on a resume

Neither does anything else we do

Gotta get ready for the real world" -Everclear (The Twistinside)

The knife is just sitting in front of me

Tempting me

Asking me

Take me

Use me

Cut you

Please you

Hurt you

Fuck you

Fuck everyone and everything

Or something something

I'm going to do something really stupid

Really soon

Is the deadline

Dead end

Dead boy

Dead who?

Dead when?

Didn't you hear?

I so much care

I would have been there

I would have shared

Put back the hair

Put in back in your pants

Or I'll cut the little fucker off

You know I want to

But you did it to yourself

And myself

Who's self?

Your self is my self

You can have them both

I don't need mine

Fuck my soul too

It's not like I need it

Maybe I'll wear white tomorrow

I could use a cane

But that has been done

And done again

Thought what is one more time

In the grand scheme of things

So if I beat him to the point

Where he won't get up

Not because he doesn't want to

I will feel better about myself

And people will thank me and my self

Because you know how everyone loves a hero

In bloodstains

From bloodlust

But that's the fun part

Drinking it down

The glory, I mean

Do you think I'm crazy?

Separate question, you fuck




Or maybe just fuck

"When no one is around

She talks to herself" -Everclear (Pale Green Stars)

If I had a million dollars

Someone would kill me

And I'd give it to them

Because they would deserve it

Do me a favour

Will you?

(sing song chorus)

Repeat over and over

Until you blow apart

I'm tired

I need

You know

A gun

Have fun!

Have fun?

Have fun´┐Ż

back | forth | older | guestbook | mail | profile | rings | diaryland