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I want to write. I like writing, And posting it here makes me feel important. It's almost as if someone cares. ----- I'm not really as sick as I'm pretending to be. It was more or less an excuse not to deal with things for a little while. Just sit at home and try to convince myself that it does matter if I don't do anything ever again. I figure I could die and people wouldn't notice for a week. It's not as if I'm integrally important to anything. If I disappeared tonight, no one would know, (save the people who read this) and no one would mind. ----- I don't want a vacation. I want to move. Maybe Toronto, maybe somewhere interesting. ----- I hate the way things are turning out. This isn't the way it should be. Everything is supposed to be different. Just don't leave it up to me to take some initiative to change things. ----- I like Engravers Gothic BT Regular. ----- I've developed a taste for Hole lately. I'm positive it has been a negative influence in my moods lately, but I don't really mind being depressed and angry. It is so much more than being happy. ----- I miss people being able to read me like a book. ----- My ear hurts. It hurt before so stabbed it with a pin. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. So much for my fear of piercings. ----- My wrist hurts� I'm kidding! I would never so something like that to myself. ----- I think I'm funny and that is all that matter. ----- I have an ortho appointment tomorrow. I haven't had braces for two years. I don't like my orthodontist. He's an asshole. ----- Have I always been this apathetic? ----- At what point do neuroses turn into psychoses? ----- How far away am I from the magickal land of happy pills? ----- I want to shave my head. Or maybe bleach it. But that's been done. ------ "I wish I were special� I don't belong here� I don't care if it hurts I want to have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When I'm not around You're so very special I wish I were special." -Radiohead (Creep) ----- I don't believe I have a soul. I don't think I lost it though. I don't believe I have ever had one. I am not saying no one has a soul. If someone believes that they have a soul, they probably have one. Personally, I just don't buy it. ----- Someone just asked me if I was still alive. It made me cry and smile at the same time. I know what she meant (the smile), and what I first thought (the tears). "For the moment," I said. ----- Time passes ----- I think I forgot "Forgot what" you say? I can't remember ----- I like earl grey tea. It makes me feel warm. ----- I think I want codeine ----- My tummy feels full of warmth and tea. ----- There's a spaceman In my basement There's an IV Keeping time Beside my bed And a painting Of Jesus wandering For a dartboard You know he's seen you naked A million times I long to be dead And sleep with the fishes Under the sea They can swim through my head And stop all the traffic jams And there'll be no light tonight If I'm fated There's a cartoon Killer in my living room Cut you open like candy And pull out your little womb Like TV dinners for the third world Amputee dancing girls You've tried but you failed Because you're bad at life But good in a vacuum I long to be dead And sleep with the fishes Under the sea They can swim through my head And stop all the traffic jams And there'll be no light tonight If I'm fated ----- My tummy feels sick and full of tea. ===== Asshole |