Thursday, November 16th, 2000 | 19:20
pseudo-post-orgasmic typings

I'm clinically insane and adult-case ADD-alicious


I met with Dr. Bernstien again today. It did a lot of good. (Being in) Love helps too.

I got there on time once again, but this time without the sweat and effort and grease all over my pants. The receptionist was extremely rude though. She had a headset phone and I thought she was talking (listening) to someone and so I didn't say anything. After about a minute and a half, she turned from pinning things up on the bulletin board beside her and bluntly said, "Do you want something?" I told her I had an appointment with Dr. B and she condescendingly directed me to the waiting room down the hall. Bitch. I only waited about 3 minutes before he showed up and ushered me into his office. We talked about stuff. I was surprisingly coherent when I spoke.

I told him I'd been getting progressively worse the past few weeks he asked the same questions yet this time my answers were different. I told him how the harassment at school made me angry and violent inside. I told him how unrealistic it was to hurt them back and how much easier it is to just hurt myself instead. He said to call him ANY time I was feeling like doing something I might regret. I like that.

After that was out of the way, he asked some questions about my concentration abilities and then gave me two ADD tests. The first, the children's ADD test, told me that I was fine. On the adult-version, if you had anything over twelve points checked, it meant you have ADD. I had sixteen (do I get a prize?). it kinda makes sense, I guess. It's no huge thing and there is no fucking way I'm going on any sort of medication.

Nearing the end of the half-hour session, I asked whether it was justified to try to make yourself look as bad on the outside as you feel on the inside and gave the example of anorexia and starving myself. He said that my case was much different than anorexia. Anorexics can't see that they look sick, whereas as I am doing it to get people to notice that I don't feel well. I like answers that make sense.

With our time over, he told me to call him next Thursday at four o'clock just to check up and make sure that I've made an appointment with a real psychologist. I like little nudges like that. We also scheduled an appointment for December 7th, three weeks from now, as another in-between meeting until I can get a real appointment with someone other than my family doctor.

I left very content. I caught the bus within ten minutes at Rideau and slept all the way home. I missed my stop by two blocks but my body didn't mind. It likes sleep. I got inside and went straight to the fridge to apologise to my body. I had a whole bunch of cold fried zucchini sticks. Not a really healthy apology, but it was appreciated nonetheless. And they tasted so good.


Thank you, Love.


This sounds so post-orgasmic. But it isn't. It's just a general good feeling.



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